Love and Marriage
by Risknight
Summary: He has spent decades trying to control every single aspect of his life. To maintain equilibrium in a chaotic world. Now that he has lost that control, he discovers what is really important.
1. Chapter 1

Too many bad decisions, too many wrong choices, too many times when he gave in to other's demands regardless of what he wanted. When did he become such a coward? How could he have lost his way so badly? It had all led to this. He looked across at Penny who stood on the other side of the altar. She was so lovely it made his throat convulsively swallow. Her beautiful hazel eyes were fixed on his and for once in his life, he had no trouble reading her expression. It was the same despair that flowed through him. The music began and every eye turned to watch Amy walk up the aisle on her mother's arm. She was smiling widely, her tiara perched high on her head. For Sheldon time began to jump forward in small increments.

"_Do you, Sheldon Lee Cooper…"_

"… _Amy Farrah Fowler, take this man…"_

"_If any person has cause…."_

"_You may kiss you bride."_

He dutifully pressed his lips to Amy's but his eyes were locked on Penny's.

* * *

She left the reception as soon as the photographer was finished. Raj came to tell them she wasn't feeling well, and he was going to take her home. No goodbye, no well wishes, she just left. For a moment Amy was irritated, but she was determined to be the star of her big day and in truth she was secretly glad she had one less woman to compete with, even if it was her 'bestie'. Sheldon knew why Penny had left. He wondered if things would ever be normal between them again.

* * *

**7 Weeks Earlier**

It began at the Cal-Tech autumn fund raiser. The entire group went together. Sheldon hadn't been thrilled about going, but Amy offered to count it as date night, and he thought he could kill two birds with one awkward stone. The evening had started out fairly normally. Leonard had shown Penny off to his colleagues. Raj had found a quiet corner to hide in and Howard and Bernadette had been quickly swallowed up by some fellow engineers. Amy had tried to drag him onto the dance floor at first, but he was resolute in his refusal to dance.

After about an hour he noticed that Penny was no longer by Leonard's side. In fact, she seemed to have been cornered by Kripke and Lewiston from the geology department. He felt the surprising urge to 'rescue' her. Before he could work out why he felt that unexpected urge, Raj appeared by Penny's side and maneuvered her onto the dance floor.

Sheldon could not stop keeping tabs on Penny after that. He felt compelled to watch over her since Leonard had apparently abandoned her. Unfortunately he was distracted about 40 minutes later by an argument with Amy over what constitutes a 'fun' date. He never even noticed Penny leaving the reception hall in search of Leonard. None of the others knew exactly what Penny had found, but they could guess. She stormed past him and Amy a few minutes later and asked Raj to drive her home, her grip on her composure tenuous at best.

Sheldon had wanted to leave with them, because he knew Penny needed a shoulder to cry on. Like a coward he had stayed because he didn't want to listen to Amy complain about being dragged from a party. Amy joined Bernadette on the dance floor at one point and he made his way over to the buffet and became engaged in a discussion about particle wave speeds. He didn't realize the punch at the party was alcoholic until he was too drunk to care. When he lurched onto the dance floor and spun Amy in a circle, he was thoroughly inebriated. So, when Amy pulled him into a taxi an hour and six more drinks later, he made no objection.

The next morning he woke up to find he was naked. Even more shocking was the fact that Amy was also naked and sprawled across his body. Her hand was wrapped around his semi-erect penis and she was trying to coax him into a repeat of the nights activities. Horror and disgust filled him. He berated Amy for taking advantage of his inebriation, and she defended herself by saying it was long past time he started acting like a real boyfriend. And besides, he had seemed to enjoy sex well enough when they were actually doing it. Needless to say, he had ended their relationship and hurried home to scour his body clean.

* * *

Life at 2311 Los Robles was becoming more and more uncomfortable. Penny was avoiding Leonard, which meant she was inadvertently avoiding him, also. Amy continually called or came by to try and convince him to renew their relationship. Howard was on Leonard's side, with his 'bros before hos' mentality. Raj was firmly in Camp Penny. Bernadette was more ambiguous. After all, she had forgiven Howard for cyber cheating. She felt that if Penny would just talk to Leonard, they could work it out. Sheldon refused to tell any of them why he and Amy had broken up. All Amy told Bernadette and Penny was that it was just a misunderstanding. He knew Penny suspected something huge had happened. He had heard them talking in the hallway.

Amy was trying to convince Penny to talk him into forgiving her. Penny had refused. She said their relationship was none of her business and if Amy couldn't convince him, then he must feel pretty strongly about it. She said she had experienced for herself how badly it could go when she let friends tell her to stay in a relationship she didn't want, and she wasn't going to do that to him. Amy had gotten angry and said Penny of being a horrible friend. She had accused her of wanting everyone else to break up just because she couldn't hold onto a relationship. Sheldon was actually reaching for the door knob to stop them when Penny spoke again.

"Amy, I don't know what is going on between you and Sheldon. It's none of my business. I won't be responsible for your relationship. I'm having a difficult enough time taking care of just me."

"Then what am I supposed to do?" Amy yelled.

"I don't know," Penny said softly. Then she went into her apartment and shut the door. Amy left a moment later.

He had almost went across the hall and told her what happened, but shame kept him quiet. He just wanted life to go back to the way it was before they all succumbed to the pressures of emotions. It was exactly 5 weeks after the party that Amy cornered him at work. She walked into his office without knocking and dropped a bombshell on him with just two words.

"I'm pregnant."

* * *

From that point on, life had taken on a hurricane-like quality.

All he had ever dreamed of was winning a Nobel Prize. Then _she_ came along and suddenly he had two goals. Win his Nobel Prize and overcome how she made him feel. He almost submitted in a moment of weakness. Luckily Penny had mistaken his reasons for asking her out and he was safe. He immediately plunged into a relationship with Penny's exact opposite.

Amy had posed no threat to his emotions and provided a buffer between him and Penny. He could focus once again on achieving his first goal, secure in the knowledge that Amy was the perfect, albeit unwitting, accomplice in achieving the second. He had thought it was all so easy. He had thought that with his intelligence he had known exactly what he was doing. What he hadn't counted on was Amy's growing obsession with physicality or that she would lock her sights on him. The last year, especially, had become filled with more and more demands from his girlfriend for him to behave, not as he felt, but as she wished. He liked Amy. He respected Amy, and he enjoyed their time together, for the most part. But her increasing demands were beginning to create stress in him. He had no sexual desires for Amy.

He was certain he never would, either. In fact, the one time he had seen her womanly parts, after she flashed him in the back of her car, he had known with absolute certainty that a physical relationship between them was not something he desired. He couldn't help comparing Amy's exposed flesh to the tantalizing peek he had gotten of Penny's golden skin the day he helped her out of the shower.

And now his girlfriend was pregnant with his child.

His mom had been stunned and disappointed to find out he had impregnated Amy out of wedlock. She was determined to rectify that as quickly as possible. To that end she had arrived three days later. Within a week she had a church and pastor lined up, a reception hall booked and she went dress shopping with her daughter-in-law to be.

Leonard was to be best man. Amy asked Penny to be maid of honor, but she declined and quickly suggested Bernadette or Missy, saying since she had been Bernadette's and Missy was to be her sister-in-law, they had a greater claim on the position. Everyone assumed she just didn't want to walk with Leonard. She couldn't be in 4A without looking ill.

Sheldon paid scant attention to details. He didn't care what they decided. He was too busy feeling lost and overwhelmed. He was going to be a father and a husband. He felt trapped in a nightmare he couldn't wake up from. His life was spiraling out of his control and he hated it.

The night before the wedding he snuck off and went up to the roof. He just needed to be alone for a few minutes. Away from the endless prattle about bouquets, seating and reception music. Away from the discussions about morning sickness, hormones and trimesters. He just wanted a bit of space to be alone for a few minutes. He was feeling cornered and crowded.

He was surprised to find Penny there, tears on her cheeks. Normally he would have retreated, always uncomfortable with emotional women. Especially Penny, who always made him feel things he was unprepared to feel. Tonight he felt compelled to approach her.

"Penny?"

She spun toward him and he was stunned by the stark grief in her eyes. She moved quickly, almost running, to the stairwell. He grabbed her arm to stop her from escaping.

"Please, let go," she sobbed brokenly.

He shook his head firmly. He had spent the last week with absolutely no control over his life. He would not obey yet another order now, especially when she obviously needed someone. "No. Talk to me, Penny. I am your friend and I am worried about you."

She sobbed harshly and tried to pull free. In desperation he wrapped his long arms around her tight. Her breasts were pressed tight to his chest and their pelvises were aligned thanks to the heels she wore. They both froze. Desire flared up inside him and he looked down into her hazel eyes to see she felt it too.

It was inevitable at that point. He dipped his head and she rose up to meet him. Passion exploded between them as the walls they had both built over the years came crashing down. There on that roof, under the autumn night sky, he found his true 0,0,0,0. It wasn't a space on a couch. It was with her, their arms holding each other close, his hands bracing her thighs, as he pressed her against the door and willingly entered her body.

Afterwards they silently restored their clothing. There was no need for words now. Their bodies had already said everything of worth for them. They walked back down the stairs hand in hand. Without a word, glance or pause they headed to their respective apartments, hands clenched until distance forced them to separate. The next morning they all gathered at the little brownstone church on Union Avenue to witness the marriage of Sheldon Lee Cooper and Amy Farrah Fowler.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you everyone for your reviews and encouragement. Let me just clarify, Amy really is pregnant, Sheldon really is the father, they really did get married, and this is not a dream fic. I'm sorry if that disappoints anyone, but it's the truth. And as a reminder, I don't bother reading reviews if you don't have a screen name. Anything labeled simply "guest" just gets deleted. And only Lunasea, Anon13 and Elizabeth's reviews ever get approved. I don't flame or leave anonymous reviews and I don't publish them either.  
**

* * *

Sheldon took Amy to Paris for two weeks, like she wanted, for their honeymoon. When they returned, they moved into a small house near the university that his mom and Amy had found. Sheldon insisted on clinging to his old routine as much as possible. Howard, Raj and Leonard came over every Wednesday for Halo and pizza. On Friday Howard, Bernadette and Leonard would come over for Vintage video games and dinner. Raj said he had begun to skype with his parents on that night and Penny claimed work as an excuse. Amy usually went to have girl's night with Penny and Bernadette at the Wolowitz's apartment on Saturdays while he did laundry and watched a movie with the guys. The guys still went to play paintball every Sunday. However, all other days had changed. No more Thai food on Mondays. That was dinner with his mother-in-law night. No more Tuesday burgers, Penny was taking a class that night, so he and Amy usually ate alone. No more Anything Can Happen Thursdays, either. That was now child birth class night. All other Thursdays were date night.

(It would be three months before anyone noticed that Penny had never once been to Sheldon and Amy's house.)

* * *

**10 weeks later**

The moment Sheldon saw that tiny life on the ultrasound, he fell deeply in love. He could see her tiny hands moving and hear her heartbeat. He wished he could slip his own hand into hers as she flexed her fingers again. He was overwhelmed by emotion as he watched his daughter move. Amy was slightly disappointed at first. She had been certain that they would have a boy. So certain in fact, that she had already picked out a name. Galen Armand Fowler-Cooper. He hadn't rolled his eyes, but it was a near thing. It took him several days of silent treatments from Amy, arguments from his mother, and chastisements from his friends, but in the end, he was able to chose the name of their daughter. Sabrina Leigh Fowler-Cooper. He repeated it to himself often.

Once he saw and connected emotionally with his daughter, he took a much more active role in preparing for her. Sabrina was finally real to him, not just some abstract idea. He read everything he could find on parenting. He researched toys, schools, potty training, even manufacturers of baby clothes. He knew Amy saw his new-found interest in their child as proof he was coming to love her. He chose not to disabuse her of that notion. His daughter would have a stable, happy home, whatever the cost.

To that end, he forced himself to become more intimate with Amy. He absolutely refused to share a bed, but he did share a room. He began engaging in coitus with her every Sunday night between 9:00 and 9:35, always in her bed. Then he took a shower and went to sleep in his own bed.

He brought in a decorator and turned the bedroom across from theirs into a fairy tale world. All of the furniture, except for his Meemaw's rocking chair, was sturdy mahogany. The rocking chair was oak and the seat was worn smooth with years of use. He remembered sitting on his Meemaw's lap many evenings telling her his ideas as she encouraged him to talk. He placed the rocking chair in the optimum spot in the room. Between the window and the bookshelf, out of direct light, and close enough to the vent to be warm in the winter without getting too hot. Many evenings he would sit there, reading his parenting books. By immersing himself in every aspect of his daughter's development, he soon found himself experiencing moments of contentment in his domestic life.

Amy, regardless of the circumstances, was his wife and the mother of his child. So, he put aside his anger and focused on maintaining their marriage. Amy was beginning to show when Valentine's Day approached. She decided that instead of a nice romantic dinner, she wanted to host a dinner party with all their friends. He went along with it for two reasons. It sounded less intimate (and therefore less likely to make him uncomfortable) and it would be the first time he would see Penny since the reception.

Every invitation to Halo, or holiday dinner had been turned down. She usually worked, or had classes, she said. The only thing she didn't turn down was girl's night, although they now met at Bernadette's apartment, usually having coffee and watching rom-coms. When Amy mentioned this, he had asked why they didn't meet at Penny's anymore. Amy had shrugged and said Penny usually came straight from class, and it was a shorter drive to Bernadette's.

As the dinner got closer, Amy got more excited. She was hoping that Penny would bring her new boyfriend, a man none of them had met yet. Sheldon felt uneasy with this, but he concealed it well. It gnawed at him that he couldn't completely put aside the way he felt about Penny. He was a married man. These feelings were wrong, and not fair to Amy or his daughter. Yet nothing he did would rid him of the desire to see her again.

Leonard was the first to arrive, accompanied by Alex. Amy was displeased to find Sheldon's assistant was Leonard's date, but she grudgingly took Alex on a quick tour of the house, while Sheldon took Leonard's coat and offered him a drink.

"Is Penny here yet?" Leonard asked in faux disinterest.

Sheldon looked at his former roommate suspiciously. "Did you bring Alex just to make Penny jealous?"

Leonard looked defiant. "If Penny gets jealous, that's her problem. She broke up with me, not the other way around."

Sheldon quirked an eyebrow at him. "Yes, and why did she do that? Neither of you ever fully explained what happened."

Leonard blushed and looked away. "It was a misunderstanding. Penny and I belong together."

Before Sheldon could reply, the doorbell rang. He opened it to find that Penny and Raj had arrived. She walked inside just as Amy returned with Alex. Amy squealed slightly and rushed over to hug her bestie. Sheldon started to close the door, but Bernadette and Howard appeared on the walkway. They hurried in and all three women walked to the living room. He was stunned by the changes in Penny. She was almost too thin, and much paler than he had ever seen before. She had obviously quit tanning. No one else seemed surprised, and he realized that Penny had not been avoiding them. Just him.

She was wearing a pair of pinstripe slacks over a white dress shirt. Thin black suspenders and polished loafers tied the ensemble together. Her hair was pulled into a bun at the base of her head, and her make-up was subtle but striking, drawing attention to her eyes. She was stylish, and classy instead of party girl Penny. She put him in mind of the 1920's gangster movies. Sheldon studied her closely, noting the way Raj stayed close by Penny's side.

Amy grinned and sat down on the sofa. "So, I was hoping we would finally get to meet this mystery man you've been spending so much time with."

Sheldon felt his chest tighten as Penny looked at Raj who nodded slightly. No! He didn't want to hear this!

Raj took a seat on the loveseat and Penny turned to perch on the arm beside him. Raj placed an arm around her waist casually and smiled. "You already have," Penny said softly. "We figured tonight was as good of a time to tell you as any. Raj and I are seeing each other. We're a couple."

Everyone looked stunned except Howard. Obviously the engineer had, at the least, suspected this. More likely, Raj had just told him already, unable to hide anything from his best friend."

"What the hell?!" Leonard shouted. "You and Raj? Are you crazy?"

Raj stood and placed his body between Leonard and Penny. "No, we are not." Sheldon was amazed that Raj was speaking without anything to drink. Could he have imbibed before coming tonight? "This is none of your business, Leonard. Penny and I are both single adults who are free to date whomever we wish. Just as you are."

Penny stood and moved to stand beside Raj. She leaned into his side lightly. "So, Leonard, how are you and Alex doing? I don't really get much time to speak to her when she's at your place. Too busy running back and forth between school and work, I guess." Penny's expression was calm, and he couldn't detect even the slightest anger or jealousy in her tone.

Leonard was flushed with embarrassment and anger. Alex looked uncomfortable. Sheldon was mentally preparing himself for an explosive fight when Penny turned to Alex. "Raj tells me you're working on a new thesis. That sounds interesting. What's it about?" she asked tranquilly.

Alex blinked a couple of times and then started to slowly relax. She sat down in the armchair beside the love seat and cleared her throat. "Well, it's about the rate of atrophy in matter."

Penny sat down on the love seat and pulled Raj down beside her. "I probably won't understand a word of it, but I'll try to keep up," she said with a little self-depreciating smile.

Alex smiled tentatively and proceeded to explain the research she was doing. In just a few seconds, Penny had defused a volatile situation. Everyone started to relax, except Leonard. He stalked over to the other arm chair and glared at Raj and Penny for the rest of the evening.

* * *

"Well, dinner was certainly interesting," Amy said as she sat on the edge of her bed and brushed her hair. "I was surprised that Penny and Raj are together."

Sheldon nodded as he placed his clothes in the laundry hamper. "Leonard did not take it well."

"Raj said that he and Penny began dating two weeks after Penny broke up with Leonard. Apparently he has not been talking with his parents on Fridays, nor has Penny been working late those nights. It's their date night," she said with a frown. "That means they have been a couple for over 4 months. Why would Penny keep something like this from me? I am her best friend. Shouldn't this be the type of thing she confides in me?"

Sheldon sat down on the side of his own bed. If what Amy said was true, then Penny had been in a relationship with Raj that night on the roof. She had cheated on Raj with him. Anger flared up inside him. Had he been wrong about the type of person Penny was? Had he misread what that night meant to her?

"Sheldon?"

He looked up at Amy, carefully schooling his features into blandness.

Amy stood and removed her robe, revealing her naked body. "I know it is not Sunday, but it _is _Valentine's Day."

Sheldon nodded slightly and stood. He carefully removed his pajamas and folded them. He moved across the room and slipped into the bed beside Amy. She was his wife and he really did care about her. He firmly put Penny out of his mind and reached for Amy.

* * *

Raj shifted on the couch and lifted his arm. Penny laid her head on his shoulder and relaxed. "Well, that wasn't as bad as we feared," he said with a wry grin.

Penny sighed. "Not yet, but I suspect things are going to get harder."

Raj kissed her forehead softly. "Whatever happens, we're in it together."

Penny nodded and stood up. She reached for Raj's hand and he stood up, also. Raj turned out the lamp and they headed back to the bedroom. They slipped into bed and Raj drew Penny against his chest snugly.

"Happy Valentine's Day," Raj whispered softly.

Penny placed a tender kiss on his lips. "Happy Valentine's Day," she replied gently.


	3. Chapter 3

"Crazy guy, table four," muttered Melanie as she moved around Penny. Penny looked over from the salad bar and saw Sheldon glaring at her. She took a moment to steady her nerves and planted a bright smile on her lips. She grabbed her order pad and walked over calmly.

"Hey, Sheldon. It's been a while since you came in. Want your usual?" she asked.

"What I want, is to speak with you about Raj," he said sternly.

Penny clenched her pad tightly. "What about him?"

Sheldon stared at her closely. "Where you and Raj together that night?" he asked angrily. "Did you cheat on him?"

Penny paled and looked away from him. "Don't," she said softly. "I can't talk about this with you."

"Talk about what?" he hissed. "How you used me? How you cheated on m…Raj? I suppose I should not be surprised. Your promiscuity know no bounds. Who's next? Howard is the only one of our circle you have not slept with."

Penny gasped as he cut her to pieces with his words. Did he really think so little of her? Her heart thudded in her chest and her stomach churned alarmingly. She needed to get away from him before she completely lost control. She turned to walk away.

Sheldon stood and grabbed her hand. He pulled her across the floor to the men's room and slammed the door shut. He looked around quickly to make sure they were alone before turning to face her. "Did you use me?" he demanded harshly.

Tears sparkled in her eyes. "Is that what you think," she asked softly. "You think I would use you?" Penny laughed harshly. "Why am I surprised? You've never hidden you opinions. How many times did you suggest I was a whore? How many times did you accuse me of trading my looks for favors? You always said I'd do well in porn." Penny dashed away the tears angrily. "What about you, Sheldon? I wasn't alone on that roof. In your high and mighty mind, did you forget that you were just as willing as I was? On the eve of your wedding, no less."

Sheldon paled as her words hit home. He reached out to her, startled by the pain in her eyes. She pushed him back and shook her head. "You can't lay all the blame for that night on me, Sheldon. You are just as guilty as me." She jerked open the door and hurried away.

Sheldon leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes tight against the emotions racing through him. When he finally opened his eyes, he found himself staring at his reflection in the washroom mirror. He wasn't particularly proud of what he saw.

* * *

"Stay away from Penny."

Sheldon looked up from his desk to find Raj standing in his door. Raj stepped into the office and closed the door. He placed his hands in his pockets and looked at Sheldon firmly. "I am not Leonard. I will not stand by quietly while you insult my girlfriend. If you can't be pleasant, stay away from her."

Sheldon closed his laptop and steepled his hands. "How long have you and Penny been dating? Exactly?"

Raj sighed heavily. "I know about the roof, Sheldon. Penny told me months ago."

Sheldon felt as if he had been punched in the stomach. "She told you?" he asked faintly.

Raj nodded. "There are no secrets between Penny and I. Our relationship is based on complete openness and honesty."

Sheldon slumped against the back of his chair. "That night…"

"Is in the past," Raj interrupted decisively. "Don't cling to your memories. Penny isn't." He turned and walked from the office without another word.

Sheldon stared at the door for a long time.

* * *

**Two weeks Later**

Sheldon sipped his iced tea and watched Missy and Amy pick flowers from Meemaw's garden for the dinner table. He was glad Amy and his family were getting along so well. He really was. That's how it should be. Right?

A shadow passed over him and he looked up into his brother's face. He and George Jr. had never really been close. Five years separated them and about 85 IQ points. They had never traveled in the same social or academic circles. If it wasn't for familial obligation, they would probably never see or speak to one another.

George sat down on the porch swing beside him and looked out toward the garden. "Never woulda expected it, ya know."

"Expected what, exactly?" Sheldon asked.

"Never woulda expected you to get some chick knocked up and hafta marry her," George said. "Always thought that would be me, ya know."

Sheldon blushed slightly and looked away. "Yes, well, circumstances being what they were, I do not regret the creation of my daughter."

George looked at his brother closely. He had never understood Shelly. Half the time, he tended to forget he even had a brother. But he knew about people. He understood life, bad choices, and regrets. Something in Shelly's tone said that while he didn't regret the baby, he _did_ have regrets.

He thought about trying to reach out to Shelly. Maybe try to connect like Mom was always sayin' they should. He just didn't know how. They had nothing in common, no mutual interest, no shared friends, nothing to really talk about. He was about to get up and head to the barn when Shelly turned to him suddenly.

"George, do you think people are genetically predispositioned to follow a pattern?"

"Umm, what?" he asked.

Sheldon rolled his eyes. "Our parents married because Mom was pregnant with you. You were born five months later. For all their married life, our mother and father fought with each other. I know they cared for us, but they were unhappy together. Do you think we are destined to have the same lives?"

George looked at his brother with surprise. Was Shelly really confiding in him? "Are you two unhappy?"

Sheldon sighed and looked away. "Amy seems to be content." He took a deep breath. "I have always admired Amy's intelligence. We were intellectually compatible. She is a good friend and a patient wife."

"But?" George prompted.

Sheldon shook his head slightly. "I feel …unsettled. Like I have missed out on a great opportunity somewhere along the line," he murmured. "There is someone …" he paused and looked down at his hands clenched in his lap. Sheldon shook his head firmly. "Never mind," he said emotionlessly. "I am merely rambling."

George watched his brother stand and walk away quickly. He stood after a few minutes and headed for his truck. He wasn't sure what Sheldon was talking about, but it was pretty clear his brother wasn't happy. There was one person he was sure would understand, and had the best chance of helping. He had to pick up Meemaw and drive her over for dinner. Maybe he'd mention this conversation and see if it made any sense to her.

By the time George returned with Meemaw, Sheldon had made his decision. Penny was not part of his life now. He had seen her twice in five months. It was time to let go of the past and focus on the here and now. So, when Meemaw asked him after dinner if he was happy, he smiled his koala smile and nodded. "Of course I am."

* * *

**4 weeks later**

She stood near the entrance and watched Amy and Bernadette laugh. She truly loved both women, and it hurt so much to know she was going to lose them. Penny took a deep breath and moved through the restaurant. The last month had been hard. She hadn't seen much of them, except for skyping. Amy and Sheldon had traveled to Texas for two weeks to see his family while Amy could still travel comfortably. Bernadette had gone out of town for 2 weeks for a research project. It was their first (and last) girl's night in a month. Both women looked up as she approached and their smiles slowly faded into shock.

"Holy crap," Bernadette breathed.

Amy stared open-mouthed at her 'bestie'. "Are…are you …."

Penny took a seat at the table and shifted until she was comfortable. She dragged a weary smile to her lips and nodded. "Yes. I'm pregnant." She hesitated a second. "About 22 weeks," she said.

Amy's expression grew strained. "You're pregnant?! How?!"

Bernadette rolled her eyes. "Same way you are," she answered sarcastically. Penny paled and looked away. Bernadette looked back at Penny. "22 weeks? That's about two months after you and Leonard broke up. It's Raj's, isn't it?"

Penny nodded slowly. She picked up her napkin and fiddled with it. "Yes. We're having a baby. Raj and I."

"Why didn't you tell us before now?" Bernadette asked softly.

Penny sighed and shrugged. "Because there was already so much going on. Amy and Sheldon got married, things were already tense between me and Leonard, Amy's pregnant,…" Penny looked at her two best friends. "And Raj and I weren't sure at first that we wanted to be parents."

Amy felt nauseated. What was going on here? Penny couldn't mean what it sounded like she meant. "You thought about abortion?"she asked weakly.

Penny nodded. "And adoption. And a lot of things." She looked nervously from one to the other. "There's more. A month ago, Raj received an invitation to join a research project. We talked about it, then he went to President Seibert at the university. He has decided to take the job. It's in Rome. He'll be there for three years."

Amy and Bernadette gasped. Amy immediately pushed aside her anger. She reached across the table and clasped Penny's hand. "Oh, bestie! Well, don't worry. You have us."

Penny gave Amy's hand a squeeze. "Raj asked me to go with him," she said softly. "I said yes."

"You're leaving me?" Amy shrieked loudly as she jerked her hand away. "When were you going to tell me all this?"

Penny looked at her sadly. "I'm telling you now."

"I don't believe this!" Amy cried out. "This is not how friends treat each other!"

"For too long I settled," Penny said tiredly. "I took on the role of 'dumb blonde', and I stayed I character. I tried several times to tell you guys how I felt. You encouraged me to stick it out. Stay with Leonard even though I wasn't happy. Stay in a dead end job because it paid the bills. Stay cheerful because it made you comfortable, even though it was taking more and more wine to manage." Penny shrugged and sighed heavily. "I didn't tell you sooner, because you wouldn't have understood. Because it would have hurt you. I'm sorry. I guess I'm a coward," she whispered.

Bernadette looked horrified as understanding dawned. Amy clenched her hands tightly. "So, now what? You leave and we have no say in this?"

"That's right," Penny said brokenly. "I'm sorry you feel hurt, but this is my life. It's between me and Raj. I love you guys, I really do. But let's be honest. We've all been drifting apart for a while now."

Amy shook her head furiously and rose to her feet. "Maybe we wouldn't drift apart if you didn't hide things from us! Maybe if you tried, nothing would change!" She grabbed her coat and moved as fast as her ponderous body would allow.

After a moment Bernadette stood. "I'll keep an eye on her, get her home safe."

Penny nodded and watched the diminutive blonde walk away. Well, that went about as well as she had expected. She wondered how Raj was doing.


	4. Chapter 4

Sheldon closed the door behind Amy and Bernadette. They were on their way to meet Penny at a restaurant for girl's night while the guys had a movie night. Sheldon turned to the living room and sighed. Howard was sitting on the sofa looking nervously between Leonard and Raj. Leonard was sitting in an armchair, arms crossed angrily. Raj was looking out the window at the backyard.

"So," Howard began hesitantly, "what are we going to watch?"

Leonard glared at Raj's back. "How about Unfaithful?"

Raj turned to face them and sighed. "If you have something to say, just say it Leonard. I am tired of the glares and snide remarks."

Leonard shot to his feet. "You stole Penny from me!"

Raj resisted the urge to bolt for the bathroom. His relationship with Penny had brought out hidden depths of courage he had not known he possessed. "Penny ended her involvement with you when she walked in on you telling Alex that you'd do just about anything to fuck her right there on your desk."

Leonard turned bright red, and then pale white. "She told you?"

Raj nodded. "I also know you had a hand under Alex's dress, and she had one in your pants. I didn't steal Penny from you. You threw her away."

"Penny and I are meant for one another!" Leonard yelled. "No matter what happened, no matter who came along, it's always been Penny and me!" He smirked smugly. "And it will be again."

Sheldon struggled to find a way to restore order. He hated arguing. He hated fights. He just wanted to return to the peaceful lives they had experienced before. "Please," he said timidly. "No arguing. Let's just carry on with our planned activity for the evening."

Leonard shook his head angrily. "No! I'm tired of this! What did you do, Raj? Did you send Penny to my office? Did you set me up? How long have you been waiting to steal her from me?"

Raj looked at him with a sneer. "Set you up? You couldn't keep it in your pants. That's not my fault. If I had wanted to steal Penny, I would have done it a long time ago. Penny and I care about each other, and we respect each other."

Leonard smiled smugly. "Respect isn't what floats Penny's boat. It won't be long before she's looking right back at me to give her what she really wants."

Raj squared his shoulders. "I got a job offer from a group in Italy. A research project that will run three years. I leave on Monday." Silence reigned for several seconds after Raj spoke. He looked around the room at his friends. "There's more," he said when Howard started to speak. "We're pregnant. Penny and I are having a baby. She's going to Rome with me."

Sheldon could only watch in disbelief as Leonard launched himself at the Indian man. Howard tried to separate them, but Sheldon could only stand frozen, torn between helping Howard, and helping Leonard.

* * *

Bernadette opened her apartment door and stared at the scene before her. Raj was sitting on her couch, one hand holding a steak to his eye, and the other wrapped around Penny who was curled up by his side. Howard was in the kitchen making a ice pack. He looked up with red-rimmed eyes and Bernadette moved to his side.

"Poor Howie," she murmured. "Are you okay?"

He nodded. "Better than Raj, anyway. Leonard punched him. Twice."

Penny stood and looked at them sadly. "I'm sorry we hurt you all," she said.

"No," Howard said firmly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn't confide in me, Raj. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you both. You're our friends and I forgot that. I hate that …that you're leaving. I don't want you to go. But I love you both. Wherever you are, I am still your friend."

Penny burst into tears and pulled Howard into a tight hug. Raj stood and patted Howard's arm, tears in his own eyes. Bernadette looked proudly at her husband and nodded.

"Howie is right. We are your friends and we support you both. And we can still call or skype. Maybe even come visit," she said.

Penny released Howard who was immediately hugged by Raj. "We're going to miss you guys so much," she said to Bernadette. "And you would always be welcome to visit." The two women hugged and Howard spoke up.

"Don't worry about the others. It's change and none of them handle that very well. They'll come around."

Penny looked at Raj with a mix of sadness and hope. Whatever happened, they were in it together.

* * *

Sheldon sat on the couch, Amy's head in his lap. She had finally cried herself to sleep. She was feeling angry, sad, betrayed. He, himself, felt numb. Penny was pregnant. By Raj. For one brief, optimistic moment, he had wished fervently that Penny was carrying his child. Immediately after, he had felt guilty. Amy was carrying his child. Amy loved him. And while he could not say he loved her, he did care for her a great deal.

He drew the lap blanket up around her shoulders and leaned his head back on the couch. How had everything become so screwed up?

* * *

Their flight left in the early morning hours. They had told the others not to worry about seeing them off. Penny was behind Raj in line for boarding when she glanced around the lobby. Her pulse sped up when she saw him. She shrunk a bit at the intense look of regret in Sheldon's eyes. After a couple of heartbeats he turned and walked away, quickly swallowed up by the crowds. Resolutely Penny turned back and handed her ticket to the attendant.

* * *

**2 months later**

Sheldon cradled his daughter close to his chest. He sat down on the small sofa and marveled at how tiny and perfect she was. He looked up as his Meemaw sat down beside him and held out her arms. He reluctantly handed Sabina over to her and glanced at his friends and family gathered around Amy. She was telling them every single detail of her labor.

"My word," Meemaw said fondly. "Aren't you just as pretty as a peach," she cooed. Sheldon smiled as he looked at Sabrina's shock of dark brown curls. She yawned widely before making little sucking motions with her mouth. Meemaw watched his expression of joy and smiled. "How about you, Moon Pie? How are you doing?"

Sheldon flinched slightly at the nickname. It brought Penny to mind. He shrugged and reached out to place his finger in Sabrina's grasping hand. "My work is progressing at a rapid pace. Sabrina is here safe and sound. You are here visiting. I am content."

Meemaw watched him closely. When Mary walked over, she handed her great-granddaughter over. She stood and looked at Sheldon. "I would like some tea. Walk me to the cafeteria." It was not a request.

He hesitated long enough to make sure his mom sat down with Sabrina and then followed his grandmother out the door. They walked in silence to the elevator and rode down to the lobby. In the cafeteria they both bought some tea and sat down at a table. Meemaw took a deep breath and looked at him closely.

"Moon Pie, I know none of what I am about to say is any of my business. Feel free to ignore me. But I need to ask. For six years your letters to me became more and more peppered with details about your friendship with Penny. You wrote about her often. Sometimes, your entire letter was about your friendship with the young woman. Until seven months ago. Suddenly you stopped speaking of anything except work, until two months ago. The letter was short, mostly concerning the music you had purchased for Sabrina's bedroom. But the last line stuck out. Just one sentence. 'Penny and Raj have moved to Italy'. No explanation, no other details. So, I guess my question to you is, why are you married to Amy when you love Penny?"

Sheldon paled immediately. He looked down at his clenched hands on the table. This was something he had never wanted to talk about. But this was his Meemaw. The one woman who had always loved and accepted him.

"I married Amy because it was the right thing to do. She is the mother of my child. Penny is gone. She has moved to Italy. Raj has since informed us that they married a few days before they left. They are expecting a child of their own in a couple of months. I have not heard from Penny since they moved. There is nothing more to say. It is what it is."

Meemaw took his hands in hers. "You do love her though, don't you?"

Sheldon took a deep breath. "It started gradually, building over the years. We grew closer and closer. I was biding my time. Waiting for the inevitable break up with Leonard. I was trying to find a gentle way to end my own relationship with Amy. I had hoped that after a suitable amount of time, I could approach Penny about a relationship between us."

Meemaw frowned slightly. "But you were sleeping with Amy?"

Sheldon shook his head. "I had no intentions of engaging in coitus with Amy. It was a mistake. I inadvertently drank doctored punch at a fundraiser and became intoxicated. I awoke in Amy's bed."

Meemaw looked at him shrewdly. "Was Amy drunk, also?"

Slowly he shook his head. He would not lie to his grandmother. Not again. "She was not. But in her defense, we were in a relationship that had already spanned several years. She has been a good wife, and a good friend. I do not hold one mistake against her."

Meemaw sighed and squeezed his hands. "Moon Pie, all I have ever wanted is for you to be happy."

Sheldon leaned across the table and kissed her cheek. "I have Sabrina, Meemaw. That makes me very happy." They finished their tea and made their way back to Amy's room.

* * *

Amy looked at Sheldon as he rocked Sabrina gently. They were alone, at last. She had expected to feel some sort of bond forming between her and her child, but strangely enough, she was as ambivalent as ever. Was there something wrong with her? Even primates of the lowest order were nurturing and affectionate with their offspring.

Instead, she felt …very little. Relief that the pregnancy had ended well, glad that her child was delivered safe and healthy, grateful for the support of their friends and family, and (Amy cringed slightly) a bit arrogant that she had proven her worth as a woman.

She sighed internally. She had always wondered if it was some fault in her that had made her mother show very little affection. Now she wondered if it was something genetic in her family that made them emotionally repressed. She looked up as Sheldon walked over with a slight frown.

"I think she may be hungry," he said softly. "She keeps making sucking noises, and she's starting to get fussy."

Amy almost reached for the call button to summon a nurse with a bottle, but then her pride rose up. She held out her arms and Sheldon placed the baby in the crook of her elbow. She replayed the steps in her head and adjusted her gown down to reveal her breast. It took a moment's coaxing, but Sabrina latched on and began to nurse. Amy gasped aloud, causing Sheldon to view them with alarm.

"Are you in pain? Is she?" he asked worriedly.

Amy looked up at him with astonishment. How could she explain it? She struggled to find the words to express what she was feeling. She was _feeding_ her daughter. Her! She felt each tug on her breast resonating within her entire body. It was amazing. A sense of peace and contentment settled over her and she relaxed against the pillows. "No, Sheldon. Everything is wonderful," she said softly. "Absolutely wonderful."


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry guys. Had a couple of people quit or call off at work and I'm having to help cover extra hours. This chapter covers a bit more time. Hope you enjoy.  
**

* * *

**6 weeks later**

Penny gently ran her fingers through Raj's curls. He had fallen asleep, his head resting on the bed. The door to her room opened and a nurse walked in pushing a bassinet. She smiled softly as the nurse handed her son to her. She wiggled into a more comfortable position and the nurse showed her how to cradle him. Chase Patrick Koothrappali latched on immediately.

"Glad one of us knows what we're doing,' she murmured.

The nurse grinned and placed a blanket around Raj's shoulders. "You're doing wonderfully, Mrs. Koothrappali." The nurse looked at Chase with a smile. "He looks just like you," she said before leaving quietly.

She looked at the wispy blond hair and chubby cheeks tenderly. Everything she had been through was worth it. Movement caught her eye and she turned to find Raj watching them with a smile.

"Beautiful," he whispered.

Penny blushed and looked back at Chase. "Priya will arrive in the morning with your parents. She is not an idiot, Raj."

Raj moved up onto the bed and slipped an arm around Penny. "Penny, Chase is two weeks early. He looks just like you. There is no reason for anyone to suspect anything."

She sighed softly. "I'm just worried that your family will not accept him. Your mom was really upset when we got married so quick. Your cousin even tried to get you to annul it."

Raj reached out and tucked the blanket around Chase's tiny feet better. "Penny, my family likes to think they are very traditional. Even though they really aren't. They have to complain, in order for them to feel like they have done their duty. But they have accepted you, and they will accept our son." He gave her a wide smile. "Look at him. He's adorable. How could they not love him?"

Penny relaxed against him. "We're lucky to have you."

Raj kissed her temple. "I am the lucky one. I was ready to give up, Penny. I was so lonely and in such despair. I had already decided to leave, you know. The night Amy announced her pregnancy, I was going to tell everyone I was going home. Then I saw so much pain in your eyes. I knew in that moment that you were just as unhappy as I was. I had suspected it all those weeks between your break-up with Leonard and that night. We spent every Friday on my couch watching rom-coms. Neither one of us talked about why we really avoided the others and hid what we were doing, but I had already begun to suspect. I would have returned to India a broken man. Instead I stayed to support you. I found a purpose with you. In essence, you saved me. Look at me now. I can speak freely to women. I have a kind and beautiful wife. A baby I dearly love. A job I relish going to. All because of you."

Penny switched Chase to her other breast and cuddled closer. "Quite the paradox," she said with a smile. "If you and I hadn't been so miserable, we would not be so happy now."

Raj reached out and cupped her cheek. "You are my best friend, Penny. I love you."

She smiled tearfully. "You are mine and I love you, too."

* * *

**6 days Later**

Sheldon stared at the picture Raj had sent attached to the group email announcing Chase's birth. He sighed heavily and deleted the email. Secretly he had always carried a small hope that it was he who had gotten Penny pregnant. That this was all some sort of mistake and one day she would show up and admit it was him all along. Of course it would never happen, but that didn't stop his infernal mind from wishing. According to Raj, their son was a week late. If it had been his child, she would be due within the next week.

He heard a whimper from across the room and hurried over to pick up Sabrina. It was time to eat, so he carried her into the kitchen to fix a bottle. Amy had to discontinue breast feeding because her nipples had become cracked and chaffed. She pumped every morning and afternoon, but it was still quite painful for her. Sabrina didn't seem to notice the difference between breast and bottle. He settled into the arm chair and got his daughter comfortable. He dreaded having to go back to work when his paternity leave was over. 12 weeks was not nearly enough time in his opinion. Amy had gone back to work last week, finding it difficult to stay home.

He didn't hold it against her. Amy was not predisposed to domestic endeavors. She preferred dissecting a brain to baking a cake. He, however, was finding it very satisfying to clean, cook, and take care of Sabrina. Amy seemed to love the other aspects of parenthood more. Bathing Sabrina, rocking her, reading to her at night. Amy was quite good at soothing Sabrina when she was fussy. If he could, he would work strictly from home. Too bad Cal-Tech required him to put in so many hours at the school each week.

When Sabrina finished her bottle, he burped and changed her. He carried her back to his home office and laid her back in the bassinette. With a heavy sigh he walked over and opened the laptop's trash folder and retrieved the email Raj had sent. He placed it in his secret Penny folder so it was password protected. He exited out of his email, and returned to working on his latest equations. He resolutely put Penny out of his mind. He had no business carrying a torch for a married woman. Especially not when he was a married man. But he couldn't delete the picture.

* * *

**3 Months Later**

Penny was at the stove when Raj walked in. He hung up his jacket and checked on Chase before walking over and kissing her cheek. Penny smiled slightly and stirred the stew. "Hey. How was work?"

Raj grinned widely. "Very interesting. Dr. Horton thinks we are moving in the right direction. It's a bit early to be sure, to be honest. However, the results from the initial tests are positive."

Penny smiled and pulled some iced tea from the fridge. She poured him a glass and sat down. "Sweetie, I want to talk to you about something."

Raj sat across from her. "Sounds serious. What is wrong?"

Penny patted his hands soothingly. "Nothing bad. It's just, I want to go back to school. I was doing pretty well back home and although I wasn't a top student, I was learning a lot. There's a small college nearby that I can go to. They have a great theatrical arts course, and if I work hard, I can probably have a degree in two years. There's just one problem."

Raj nodded. "We would need a nanny. At least part time."

Penny bit her bottom lip and nodded. "I know it's not cheap, and I hate to ask…"

Raj turned his hand over and curled his fingers around hers. "Penny, you are not just my wife. You are my friend. We can afford this." He shrugged casually. "We should begin by putting out an advertisement for a nanny."

Penny stood and walked around the table. Raj scooted his chair back and she settled in his lap. "Thank you," she murmured as he held her.

Raj smiled against her hair and hugged her tighter. "Two things, though. We wait until Chase is 6 months old, and we make sure our nanny can cook."

Penny gasped and jumped up as the smoke alarm went off. She jerked open the oven door and pulled out the scorched bread. Raj chuckled as he opened the kitchen window and turned off the alarm. Penny threw the oven mitt at him and his chuckled turned into a full blown belly laugh.

All the noise woke up Chase and he waved her off to take care of their son while he cleaned up the kitchen. Maybe they should hire a real cook along with the nanny, he thought with amusement.

* * *

**4 Weeks Later **

Sheldon hesitantly handed the diaper bag and cooler over to Mrs. Fowler. He had to go back to work, and he hated it. "She will need a nap in 24 minutes," he said softly as his mother-in-law cradled Sabrina. She nodded calmly and motioned him toward the kitchen to put away the bottles of breast milk. Sheldon watched her face soften as Sabrina yawned widely. Whatever reservations Mrs. Fowler had had as a mother, she was more expressive with her grand-daughter.

"I will take good care of her, Sheldon," she assured him. "Amy said she will stop by during her lunch, and that you both would call periodically to check on her."

Sheldon nodded and leaned down to place a kiss on his daughter's forehead. "I will call every two hours. If you need me, I will come immediately."

Mrs. Fowler smiled slightly. "You are a good husband and father, Sheldon. I am sorry I ever had doubts about you."

Sheldon nodded uncomfortably and headed to the door. He had to force himself to open it and walk away, when all he really wanted to do was grab her back and go home. He would have to speak to the school board about on-site day care. He just knew he wasn't going to get any work done today.

* * *

**7 Months Later**

Penny walked into the house with a big smile. She had gotten through her first semester with flying colors! She couldn't wait to tell Raj! She hung up her coat and headed to his office with the letter containing her grades. She opened the door and stepped in.

Penny quickly closed her eyes and scrambled back out into the hallway. "Crap! Sorry! Should have knocked! Oh god! Sorry!"

She hurried down the hall to the kitchen and began pulling out leftovers from the night before. Ten minutes later Raj and Cara walked into the room. Penny blushed a bright red. "I'm sorry, guys! I really am."

Cara smiled and walked over to help Penny. "We know. Sorry, we should have put up a tie or something."

Raj moved over to kiss Penny's cheek. "So, what were you so excited about?"

Penny spun and grabbed her letter. "Look!" she said with glee as she showed it to them both.

Cara and Raj hugged her happily. "Congratulations!" Cara said sincerely. "We knew you could do it!"

Penny nodded. "Yep. I even got higher marks in algebra than I thought I would! Thanks to you tutoring me!"

Cara smiled and watched Penny hug Raj tight. She wasn't sure how they did it. They obviously loved one another very much. They both loved their son. And they both loved her. To Penny she was almost like a sister. To Chase, she was not just a babysitter, but a kind of aunt. To Raj, she was a lover.

When they had hired her, she had ignored the spark of attraction she initially felt for Raj. But as time went by, they got closer. Then, a month and a half ago Penny had sat them all down. She had said she could see the way they were starting to feel about each other, and she didn't want them to feel guilty about it. She wanted them to be happy.

At first she had been embarrassed and disgusted with herself, but Penny had erased all of that when she told Cara the truth. She and Raj _did_ love each other. But it was the love of friends. They had married for reasons neither of them wanted to discuss, but that they were not a typical married couple. She and Raj slept separately, and she did not object if they wanted to be together.

At first it was a bit awkward until she realized Penny was telling the absolute truth. She really did want their happiness. Three weeks ago she had moved into Raj's room and now the four of them lived together. She was amazed. She had been orphaned at 15 and had no family. Penny and Raj accepted her into their lives and hearts unconditionally. She loved them just as much as they loved her.


	6. Chapter 6

**1 year later**

Howard and Raj were off to the university to look at some of the experiments Raj had been working on when Bernadette just came right out and asked. "Raj and Cara are sleeping together, aren't they?"

Penny looked up from the present she was wrapping and nodded. "Yes, they are. And I'm okay with it."

Bernadette frowned with confusion and placed a hand on Penny's arm. "You allow your husband to sleep around? Penny, that's not the woman I know."

Penny sighed and stood up to pour them some more coffee. After a moment she turned around and sat back down. "Bernadette, this is none of your business. But you're my friend and I love you dearly. I love Raj. He loves me. But we're not _in_ love with each other. We never were. We married because of Chase. We knew what we were getting ourselves into from the very beginning. We spent long hours over four months time talking about it."

Penny sipped her coffee and organized her thoughts. "I promised myself that if he ever met someone he loved, truly loved, I would not stand in their way. He loves Cara. Cara loves him. They are meant for each other. When they finally realize that, I'll let him go. And I'll do it with a smile. Raj and I haven't actually slept together in a long time. In fact, I've been celibate since I got pregnant." She resumed wrapping the gift casually.

Bernadette was silent for a long moment. "Raj isn't Chase's father , is he?"

Penny looked her long time friend in the eye. "In every way but one, he is."

Bernadette tried hard to sound calm. "Neither is Leonard, is he?"

Penny shook her head. After a couple of seconds she stood up and placed the present on the counter. "B, I am trusting you with my deepest secret. You know what damage this could do. What happened, it wasn't planned. But I don't regret it either. It gave me my son. It gave me a life here. It gave Raj Cara." She turned back, tears in her eyes, to look at Bernadette. "But I need you to understand. The life we have? It works for us. We're happy. Happier than I have ever been before. Please don't wreck that for us."

Bernadette stood and gathered Penny in a hug. "I love you both. And Chase. I even like Cara. I wish things had been different. I wish you and Sheldon could have been happy together. I will keep your secret, Penny. You know that."

Penny nodded and relaxed into the embrace. It felt good to tell her friend. She just hoped she had made the right decision trusting Bernadette with this information.

Chase stumbled into the kitchen a moment later, rubbing his eyes. "Mommy! I not nap." He walked over and held out his arms to Bernadette and she picked him up with a smile and kiss to the cheek. "Wants ice cweam."

Penny chuckled and ruffled his hair. "Absolutely not, sweetie. How about mommy takes you and Bernadette to our special place?"

Chase grinned, showing off his four teeth. "S'getti!"

Penny grabbed her purse and his diaper bag. "You'll love it Bernadette. They have a calamari to die for!"

* * *

**2 Weeks Later**

Amy opened the door and ushered Howard and Bernadette inside. Leonard was already there with his latest girlfriend, a grad student named Karen. Sheldon suspected she was just looking for a good recommendation when she graduated. But since Leonard was just looking for a hot girl to show off, he figured they were evenly matched. He finished cleaning the mashed yams from Sabrina's face as Bernadette approached and picked her up.

"How's my little ladybug?" Bernadette asked happily.

Sabrina giggled and hugged the blond tight. "Bert! Wead me!"

Sheldon kissed his daughter's head and watched Bernadette carry her off to her bedroom for a story. He turned to Howard and nodded. "Welcome home. How was your trip?"

Howard grinned happily. "It was amazing. Rome is beautiful, the university where Raj works is state of the art. I'd kill to have some of the equipment they have. And the work Raj is doing is way out there. They are not just mapping out universes, but are actually working on finding a way to send people there, safely."

"How was Penny? And Raj? What is their son like?" Amy asked sending a hard look at Sheldon. Sheldon sighed and looked away from her. Lately Amy had been quite harsh and critical, and he had no idea why. He noticed the surprise on Howard's face and the slight smirk on Leonard's.

Howard took out his phone and pulled up some photos. Sheldon's heart thudded as Howard scrolled through the pictures. Penny looking radiant with a little blond boy on her lap. Penny, Bernadette and Chase playing with a mid size dog. Bernadette, Penny and a brunette on a porch swing. Howard and Raj in front of the Vatican (oh, the irony). Raj with Penny on his lap, his arms wrapped around her, as they dozed on the couch. Chase and the brunette from before eating ice cream cones. Sheldon struggled to keep the pain in his heart from showing as Howard scrolled through more pictures.

Bernadette reappeared and smiled widely. "We made it a third of the way through Goldilocks before she fell asleep." She settled onto the sofa with a sigh of relief. "Uggh. My body is sore. Thirteen hours on a plane, plus all the driving, and I need a good long soak in a tub."

Howard turned toward Amy. "They're doing good. Raj has no problem talking to women now, and like I said, the work the university is doing is phenomenal. Penny is only a few semesters away from graduation. She's already working at a local theatre, but with her degree and a good recommendation from her boss, Madam LaVit, she could land a job just about anywhere. Cara, that's their nanny, is a treasure! She can make these delicious pecan biscuits that melt in your mouth! And her brisket is almost as good as my Mom's!"

Howard sat down beside Bernadette and Sheldon and Amy sat in their spots, two armchairs across from the couch. Leonard and Karen sat on the loveseat. "As for Chase, that kid is a firecracker. He hardly ever sits still, and talks constantly."

Bernadette laughed. "He followed Howie everywhere. Even wanting to stay with us at the hotel so that he could be with 'Unca Owie' constantly."

Howard beamed happily. "What can I say? I'm good with kids. I have to admit, though, I don't know how Penny and Raj do it. Chase never slows down. He's smart, too. Maybe as smart as Sabrina."

Amy snorted. "Penny's son?" Everyone looked at her critically and she blushed slightly. "Not that Penny is stupid or anything, but she has only average intelligence."

"So did my parents," Sheldon said calmly. Amy shot him a glare and he looked away.

Bernadette and Howard exchanged a look before turning back to Sheldon. Bernadette smiled brightly. "So, I'm starving. Anyone else ready to order some pizza?"

* * *

Sheldon tucked the blanket around Sabrina carefully and placed a kiss on her forehead. He turned off the light and shut the door. He stepped into the bedroom and pulled his pajamas from the dresser. He could feel Amy's eyes on him but he kept quiet. For the last month and a half, all they seemed to do was argue. Everything he did was criticized. He watched too much "junk" on TV. He spent too much time with his friends. He fed Sabrina the wrong amount, or used the wrong bowl.

It was one criticism after another. He had tried on four separate occasions to discuss this with her, only to be rebuffed. His marriage was troubled and he was clueless on how to fix it.

"So, it would appear that Penny is doing very well," Amy said stiffly. "Marriage to Raj seems to have benefited her a great deal."

Sheldon looked over at her. "It seems Raj, too, has benefited. He has overcome his selective mutism."

"Yes. Good ol' Penny. Fixing everyone's problems, it seems," Amy laughed harshly.

Sheldon turned and looked at Amy cautiously. Her tone was not friendly. "It would appear that you are upset, Amy. May I ask why? I am getting the impression that you are upset with Penny over something."

Amy's expression grew furious. "Maybe I'm upset that she cured you of your distaste for coitus!"

Sheldon paled and his pulse skipped a beat. "What do you mean?" he asked slowly.

She sneered at him. "Your journals, husband dear. You should really put those away when you're done reminiscing."

He sat down heavily on his bed. "If you read them, then you know it was only once."

"On the eve of our wedding!" she yelled. Sheldon nodded, unable to offer an excuse. "How could you, Sheldon?" Amy's voice broke slightly. "How could she?"

Sheldon looked up at his wife and sighed. "Drop it, Amy. You do not want to talk about this. Forget it and move on. It was one time, never repeated. You are upset. I understand. But drop it."

"Drop it?" she yelled. She picked up her pillow and slapped him with it. "Did you say drop it?!"

Sheldon snatched the pillow from her and tossed it aside. "You aren't exactly innocent either, my dear wife," he growled.

"What?"

Anger blazed to life in his blue eyes and Amy shrank a little at the intensity.

"You took advantage of me when I was inebriated. Strike one." He stood and pulled his blanket from the bed.

"You have slept with Leonard an at least 7 occasions in the last three months. Strike two." He picked up his hypoallergenic pillow.

"You…you know about…me and Leonard?" Amy stammered.

Sheldon rolled his eyes. "I am a genius, Amy. I can put two and two together. You claim to be working late, yet come home smelling of Leonard's cologne. Leonard has your lip balm in his desk. You supposedly take Sabrina for a walk, but when you return, Sabrina has Leonard's Gimli figurine in her stroller. I find the idea of hickies distasteful but Leonard has a fondness for them. He thinks of them as his 'mark of conquest'. Next time, you might want to cover those up."

"You cheated first," she said tearfully.

Sheldon nodded. "Which is why I have never said anything. I know I am not as …affectionate as you would like me to be. To be honest, I find our 'endeavors' distasteful and unsanitary. I do not object to you finding your pleasure elsewhere." He picked up his robe and took his framed Nimoy napkin off the wall. "In fact, I would prefer that you continue to do so."

"Where are you going?" she demanded as he walked to the door.

"I believe I shall be more comfortable in the other bedroom from now on." He paused in the hallway. "Yes, I made love to Penny the night before our wedding. But I have been a faithful husband since we said our vows. I have done, and will continue to do the best I can for our daughter and our marriage." He looked at her teary face steadily. "I did warn you that you did not want to discuss this."

He walked into the spare room and began making the bed to his specifications. Tomorrow he would move the rest of his things. He sat down and smiled with relief. It felt good to get all of that out into the open. He was a bit worried about what would happen now, but for tonight, he felt at peace.


	7. Chapter 7

**4 months later**

Penny pulled into the driveway and turned off the car. She gathered her purse and mail and stepped out of the car. She smiled as Raj stepped out of the house and walked toward her. When he got closer her smile faded.

"Sweetie? What's wrong? You look so serious." A horrible thought came to mind. "Chase?" she asked frantically. She made to move past him and he grabbed her arms.

"No! No," he said soothingly. "Chase is fine, Penny. I swear." Penny sagged with relief. He took her purse and the mail. "Penny, it's your dad." He cupped her face in his hands and tried to be gentle. He could already see the pain forming in her eyes. "It was quick, I promise. A heart attack."

Tears filled her eyes and a sob escaped her throat. He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her. His heart broke for Penny as her tears soaked into his shirt. Just two weeks more and they would have been in Omaha for a visit. After several minutes Penny pulled back.

"I need to call Mom," she said brokenly. Raj nodded and led her inside.

Raj was putting the finishes touches on his report when Penny joined him on the couch. He put aside the papers and wrapped her in his arms, as she laid her head on his chest. Despair rolled off her in waves.

"Chase and I will fly out tomorrow," she whispered. "With my sister pregnant again, and my brother in jail again, she needs me."

"Will you two be okay?" he asked. "I can leave with you."

Penny nodded once. "I won't lie. It hurts, Raj. I love my dad. We had our differences, but he was a good man. He's my dad. You can't leave until the 18th at least." She looked up at him with scared eyes. "Just …don't take too long, okay?"

He smiled reassuringly. "As fast as I can."

* * *

She hesitated outside the house. She bit her lip and nervously pulled her hair out of the ponytail she wore at work. Amy was out of town at that neurology seminar in Boston. If she had been home, Bernadette would never have said anything. But. She had seen how strained things were between Sheldon and Amy these last few months. Howard had confided in her that he thought Amy might have started seeing someone on the side. Penny was her friend, possibly her best friend aside from her husband. She …she just wanted Penny to be happy. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

Sheldon opened the door with a quizzical expression. "Bernadette? Why are you here?" he asked as he stepped back to let her in.

Bernadette stepped inside and faced him. "Penny called me last night," she said softly. "Her dad passed away. She's flying into Omaha tomorrow with Chase. She could use a friend, Sheldon."

Sheldon looked away for a moment, his eyes shut tight. With a sigh he looked back at her. "Why aren't you going then?"

Bernadette looked at him steadily. "Because I'm not the one she needs." She shrugged slightly. "And I think you need to see her, too."

"That's not a good idea," he said in a barely audible voice.

The blonde smiled sympathetically. "Suit yourself, Sheldon. I can keep Sabrina for a couple of days, if you change your mind." Bernadette stepped back outside and paused. "Life doesn't give you many chances at happiness, Sheldon. Don't waste yours."

* * *

Penny was just getting to the florist shop when her phone rang. She didn't bother looking to see who was calling. With the time difference Raj and Cara would be in bed, and her mom hadn't gotten out of bed since she arrived. It was probably her sister. "Hello."

'Hello, Penny," said a deep twangy voice.

She almost dropped the phone. "Sheldon?"

"Yes. How are you doing?" he asked gently.

Penny closed her eyes and sat down on the bench outside the shop. "I'm holding up. Been busy making the funeral arrangements and stuff."

There was silence for a few minutes. "Amy is gone to a conference, but if you would like some help, I can take a couple of days off," he offered.

Penny closed her eyes tight and bit her lip. "That isn't a good idea, Sheldon."

"I just want to see you. You are my friend, Penny. " he replied.

"The last time you said that, we didn't exactly act like friends," she said.

"Is that a no?" he asked tenderly.

Penny wrapped her free arm around her waist and told herself to hang up. To tell him goodbye. "Call me when you land. I'll pick you up." She hung up quickly and asked herself what the hell she was doing.

* * *

"Hey, Penny. How is everything?" Raj asked sleepily.

"I …I may have just done something incredibly stupid," Penny said sadly. "I need you to tell me what to do."

Raj sat up on the side of the bed, waking Cara on accident. "Penny? What is it?"

"Sheldon called me." She took a deep breath. "He asked if I wanted him to come help. I said yes, Raj. I said yes, knowing full well what he was really asking."

Raj smiled tenderly, even though she couldn't see him. "Penny, you love him. There's nothing wrong with that."

She sobbed softly. "He's married to Amy, Raj. What is wrong with me?"

Raj sighed and leaned into Cara's arm as she hugged hum from behind. "Penny, Howard told me that Sheldon and Amy have been kind of rocky for months now. He thinks they are on the brink of a divorce. If Sheldon is coming to see you, if there's a chance for the two of you to be together, do you really want to give that up?"

Penny was silent for a several minutes while she thought hard about what he said. "No."

Raj smiled. "Then see him. Have your sister watch Chase for the day. You know I want you to be happy."

Thank you, sweetie," Penny said softly. They said their goodbyes and hung up. She dried her eyes and walked into the florist shop. She needed to find sunflowers and daisies for her dad's wreath. They were his favorites.

* * *

The moment she saw him step into the terminal, it was as if the last 2 years hadn't happened. Sheldon walked right up to her and pulled her into his arms. Their lips met in a desperate kiss. The ten minute drive to the hotel seemed to take hours.

Sheldon shoved the door open and pulled her inside. The door slammed shut as he backed her into it and kissed her again. His hands pushed her shirt up as she lifted her arms. With that item out of the way, he bent to lick and tease her nipples. Penny's fingers fumbled for a second, but she unbuckled his belt and unsnapped his pants. She pushed the chinos down his hips and he stepped out of them, drawing her toward the bed. He whipped off his shirts as she wiggled out of her jeans. They fell across the bed, hands roaming over sensitive skin.

Neither of them could wait. He rolled over, pulling Penny on top of him. She rose up and reached between them to give him a squeeze before placing him at her already wet entrance. Sheldon's hips surged up, burying himself deep inside her. Penny's head drooped down with pleasure and he pulled her flush against his chest. Their hips moved in unison, frantically seeking more and more pleasure.

Sheldon sat up, Penny's arms wrapping around his neck tight, her knees on either side of his hips. His hands gripped her hips securely as she rode him. It didn't take long for either of them to find their release. When it hit, Penny moaned his name with wanton abandon, and Sheldon groaned, repeating her name over and over like a mantra.

They collapsed back onto the bed in a tangle of sweaty limbs. As soon as he found the strength, he tugged the blanket around them and cradled her close to his chest. There would be time to talk later. For now, they just held each other.

* * *

The slept for a little over an hour. When Sheldon woke up, he began pressing light kisses along her spine. By the time he reached her waist, Penny was awake. He pushed her over onto her back and smoothed his palm over her core. He leaned in and started leisurely swiping his tongue along her folds. He grabbed her ankles and pushed her legs until her knees were bent and spread as wide as possible.

Penny gasped as he blew warm air over her clit before closing his lips around it. He circled her entrance with two fingers before pushing them slowly inside her, stretching her walls. He pumped them in and out in time to the gentle suction of his mouth. In only moments he had her writhing uncontrollably. Penny's hands reached down to tangle in his hair.

"Oh fuck!" she moaned loudly.

Sheldon looked up and a grin spread across his face. "As you wish," he growled. He rose up and in one smooth thrust, buried himself deeply inside her. Penny's back arched as she hooked her ankles around his waist. Sheldon braced his arms on either side of her head and began to move. Penny's hands reached up to caress his chest. Sheldon bucked as she pinched one nipple. She smirked and stretched up to bite it gently.

"Penny," he hissed sharply. "I …I… god! So good," he whispered.

She pulled his head down and placed her lips at his ear. "I'm close. Fuck me harder," she begged. He turned his head and captured her lips as he pushed them both over the edge of ecstasy.

* * *

Several hours of pleasure and soft kisses later, Sheldon pulled back the curtain and stepped into the shower behind her. Penny leaned back into his arms and he kissed her cheek. "I wish…" he murmured.

Penny shook her head. "No. No wishing Sheldon. No promises, no regrets, no plans. This is what it is."

He frowned down at her. "And what is it?" he asked stiffly.

Penny turned and placed a palm against his cheek. "It's magic. It's perfect. It's us." He smiled tenderly and she drew in a deep breath. "But it's not forever. Eventually we have to go back to reality. You have Sabrina and Amy. I have Chase and Raj."

Sheldon cringed and looked up at the ceiling. "Do you want me to leave?"

Penny wrapped her arms around him. "No, I don't," she admitted. "Not ever."

Sheldon sighed and held her tight. "That's why I have to, isn't it?"

Penny kissed him delicately, her heart breaking. "I don't regret this, Sheldon. I don't regret anything we've done here today, or two years ago. But it's going to hurt me, too. Because I'm going to miss you more than you know."

He cradled her face in his hands and brushed away a tear with his thumb. "I actually do know," he whispered. "Because I'll feel it, too."

* * *

She watched his plane taxi down the runway, tears sliding down her cheeks steadily.

He watched out the window as the airport grew smaller and his heart grew heavier.


	8. Chapter 8

**Two Months Later**

Raj looked at the Cara with stunned excitement. "Are you sure?" he asked softly.

Penny released Cara from the tight hug and Cara looked at them both worriedly. She slowly nodded and took a few deep breaths to try and calm down. Penny smiled reassuringly and brushed her hair back from her face. "Sweetie, this is nothing bad," Penny said softly. "This is good. This is wonderful. Please don't worry."

Raj knelt and took Cara's hands in his hands. "A baby," he said with wonder. "We're having a baby!'

Cara looked at him shyly. "You're happy?"

Raj pulled her down into his lap. "I'm more than happy," he whispered to her softly. "I'm ecstatic. I'm euphoric. I'm…" Raj pulled back and cupped her face in his hands. His eyes burned brightly. "I'm in love with you."

Cara gasped. "You love me?" She looked up at Penny who grinned widely.

"Sweetie, it's okay," Penny said. "I've known for over a year and a half that you two love each other. I've just been waiting on you two to realize it."

Raj caressed Cara's cheek and looked up at Penny. "Now what? This… Penny, I don't want to hurt you or Chase."

Penny stood and walked over to the desk. She opened her purse and pulled out a sheaf of papers. She walked back over and sat down again. She handed Raj the papers with a gentle smile. "I suspected Cara was pregnant a couple of weeks ago. So, I went to see Mr. Thomason, our lawyer. I love you both. You're my family. You're Chase's family. I would never stand in the way of you two being together."

Raj read over the papers. Penny had asked their lawyer to draw up divorce papers. According to these, she was claiming it was a no-fault divorce. She wasn't asking for alimony or child support. Raj looked at Penny.

"No," he said firmly. "Not like that. How are you going to afford the rest of school? What about Chase? I'm the only father he knows."

Penny leaned down and kissed him. "I knew you were going to feel that way. These papers are just to get things started, sweetie. Mr. Thomason can help us work out everything. I never married you for your money. And in all the ways that count, you are still Chase's father."

Cara took one of Penny's hands in hers. "Are you sure about this? Nothing has to change. We could continue as we have been."

Raj cringed involuntarily and Penny shook her head. "You are Raj are going to be parents. Your son should have his father's last name."

Cara sighed sadly. "Your son doesn't," she reminded Penny gently.

Penny looked away as pain stabbed at her heart. "That's because he can't. If there had been a way for Chase's father to be in his life, I would have taken it."

* * *

Raj paused in the cafeteria doorway and looked at them. Bittersweet memories washed over him and he took a deep breath. How young and foolish they had all been. So wrapped up in stupid things, like clubbing or arguing over the species of a cricket. So clueless about what was really important. So much had changed in three years. He walked through the cafeteria and stopped by Sheldon's side. "Room for one more?"

There were three seconds of complete silence before Howard jumped up and grabbed him. "Raj!"

Raj tightly hugged the man he considered his best friend after Penny. He sat down beside Leonard and looked at Sheldon. There was a flash of guilt, but mostly he saw a true welcome in the Texan's eyes. How had they ever thought he was a robot? He felt things a lot stronger than they had ever known. He looked over at Leonard and sighed. Leonard was the one he least connected with anymore. Howard had gotten married, developed a slightly healthier relationship with his mom once he was out of the house. Sheldon had grown by leaps and bounds once he became a father. Leonard was still the same guy he always was. Seeking validation through sexual conquests. Whenever they chatted on-line or exchanged e-mails, it was always the same bragging about who he was sleeping with now. Of course, for the last year, they really hadn't talked much at all.

"What brings you to Pasadena?" Sheldon asked curiously.

"My research is over," Raj said with a smile. "We're coming home. I met with the board earlier. Funnily enough, they want me back really badly. My value has risen exponentially by having my name attached to this project."

"That's great," Howard said enthusiastically. "Bernie is going to be thrilled! When will Penny and Chase join you?"

"Chase is already here. Penny will be joining us in a couple of weeks. She's in Omaha, helping her mom move," Raj said, glancing at Sheldon. "I'm going to do some house hunting before she gets here."

"The apartment above me is empty," Leonard said after a moment.

"An apartment isn't big enough for kids," Raj said with a shrug. He glanced at his watch and stood quickly. "I have to go. I have an appointment to look at a few places in half an hour. Look, how about we all get together tonight? Let's meet at Giacomo's about 7pm, okay?"

The others agreed and he hurried off. As soon as he was gone, Howard looked at the others with wide eyes. "Did Raj just say 'kids'? Penny's pregnant again!"

Sheldon clenched his tray tightly for a moment. He stood as casually as possible and murmured something about getting back to his theories. He walked swiftly back to his office and stepped inside. He closed the door and froze. Raj was sitting in a chair watching him. He closed the door securely after a second's hesitation.

"Aren't you going to be late?" Sheldon asked.

Raj shrugged. "Actually I may have exaggerated a bit. The appointment is at 3, not 1. I wanted to talk to you away from the others."

Sheldon moved around the desk, struggling to maintain a hold on his emotions. "What about?"

Raj leaned forward and placed a sheaf of papers on Sheldon's desk. Sheldon picked them up and glanced at them. Then he gasped and began re-reading. He looked up at Raj with shock.

"Divorce?" he whispered.

Raj nodded. "Penny and I are separated, technically. Once we are back in California, we are filing for a no fault divorce. I'm remarrying soon after. Her name is Cara Notte. She is the love of my life."

Sheldon's hands clenched in rage. "You bastard," he hissed. "What about Penny? How could you do this to her?"

Raj shook his head. "Penny loves Cara like a sister. She's given us her complete blessing."

Sheldon blinked a couple of times as his rage was lessen by confusion. "What?"

Raj leaned forward. "I love Penny. She's like a sister to me. These last three years have made the two of us closer than you can ever understand. I want the very best for her. I want her to be happy. There's only one man who can do that. Care to take a guess who that is?"

Sheldon leaned back in his chair and ran a hand down his face. "What are you saying?" he asked cautiously.

"I'm saying not many people get a second chance. Not many people have the opportunity to be truly happy, Sheldon. It's all on you, now. Penny won't come to you, Sheldon. She won't risk her heart like that. Nor will she risk Chase's."

Sheldon looked at him with sudden suspicion.

Raj nodded. "Penny and I have never had sex, Sheldon. Penny has been celibate for a long time. By the time she found out she was pregnant, you were already so enthralled with Sabrina. She couldn't tell you, Sheldon. She couldn't bear to cause you any conflict. Penny is my best friend, Sheldon, and I want her to be happy. I love Chase. In my heart, he _is_ my son. I cannot, _will not_, give him up. But I can share him. Because he should know his father, and his father should know him. She loves you, Sheldon. She has for a very long time. And I suspect you love her, too. Otherwise you never would have flown to Omaha to see her."

"Penny told you," he stated softly.

Raj nodded. "She called me after you called her. She was worried. Conflicted. I told her that she should be happy. That I wanted for her the same thing I found with Cara. Love, joy, happiness."

Sheldon shook his head sharply. "How did this all get so screwed up?" Sheldon asked harshly. "Three years, Raj! Three god damned years! Do you have any idea what has been going on here? Amy …Amy is sleeping with Leonard. Sabrina …I love my daughter. I can't regret her. But…"

"I understand," Raj said. "Penny and I love Chase more than anything in this world. But having him lost her a lot. She couldn't stay here. She couldn't live so close, watching you and Amy raise your daughter, seeing the life she couldn't have. It would have torn her to pieces, Sheldon. Even now, after so long, it still hurts her so much."

Sheldon was silent for a long time. Finally he looked up at his friend. "What do I do?" he asked softly.

Raj shrugged. "I can't tell you that, Sheldon. All I can do is tell you what I have already said. I don't know what the outcome of this is. I don't really know what is best for you, or Sabrina, or Chase, or Amy, or even Penny. All I know, is that I want it all out in the open. No more secrets. No more hiding. When Penny arrives in two weeks, I want a fresh start for her. She just got her degree in theatrical management. She is a wonderful mom. My best friend. She deserves better than being alone for the rest of her life."

Raj stood and headed to the door. "You deserve better, too." Raj slipped out of the office and closed the door behind him.

It was getting dark outside before Sheldon finally stood and reached for his jacket and messenger bag.

* * *

Leonard and Amy were curled up in his bed when there was a knock on the door. Leonard sighed and stood up to put on his robe. Amy stood up and began putting her clothes back on. He wished she would stay, if only once. He was tired of sneaking around. He knew Sheldon knew they were sleeping together, but Amy pretended that he didn't. She wouldn't acknowledge there were problems in her marriage.

He walked into the living room and opened the door. He was stunned to find Sheldon standing there, looking very serious. "Sh..Sheldon? What are you doing here?"

"I would like to speak to you and Amy together, please. May I come in?"

Leonard stepped aside in a daze and Sheldon moved to sit in the arm chair beside the section sofa Leonard had purchased last year. Leonard slowly closed the door and cleared his throat nervously. "Umm, so, what did you want to talk about?"

Sheldon gave a long-suffering sigh. "Please call Amy out of the bedroom. This concerns us all."

Amy appeared in the short hallway. "I'm here," she said defiantly. "Where is Sabrina?"

Sheldon took a moment to compose his thoughts. "She is at ballet practice with you mom. Do you love each other?"

Leonard and Amy looked at him as if he had spouted a second head. "What?" they both asked loudly.

Sheldon looked to Leonard. "I have been doing a lot of thinking. I have come up with a theory and I would like to know if it is accurate. For approximately 16 months, you and Amy have been carrying on an affair. For as long as I have known you, this is the longest relationship you have even maintained. Granted, for the first six months, you also continued to see other people, but you ceased that almost a year ago. I suspect you have done so, because you are in love with Amy. Am I correct?"

Leonard stared at Sheldon guiltily for several seconds, before looking at Amy. "Yes," he said softly. "I love her. More than I thought possible." Leonard closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm not sorry, Sheldon. I know I should be. I betrayed our friendship in the worst way possible. At first, it started because we were both so angry. Amy had seen your journals. We were both jealous. Somewhere along the line, it changed. I don't know how, or even when exactly. But I love her."

He walked over to Amy and cradled her face in his hands. "I love you, Amy. My life revolves around you."

Amy stared at him in wonder. "You love me? I thought you only slept with me because I was convenient."

Leonard shook his head. He gently kissed her lips. "You are smart, funny, lovely, tender, sexy, and you make me want to spend each and every minute of my life in your presence."

Tears formed in Amy's eyes and she wrapped her arms around his waist. "I love you, too," she admitted softly. "I've never felt so safe and cared for as I do when I'm with you."

Leonard pulled Amy into a passionate kiss that lasted much too long for Sheldon's comfort. He had things to say and he had no desire to play witness to their sexual congress. He cleared his throat and they jumped apart guiltily.

"Yes, well, now that that is out in the open there is just one more thing," he said, opening his messenger bag.

Amy looked at him sadly. How had they gotten so messed up? Amy took a few steps toward him. "Sheldon, I am so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you…"

He held up a hand. "I am as much to blame," he said softly. "We did do one thing right, Amy. We have Sabrina. I know you love her as much as I do. We have been blessed with a beautiful girl who combines the best of us both. You and I just aren't meant for each other. I have a solution, though."

"What is it?" Leonard asked, a glimmer of understanding beginning to form.

Sheldon held out a sheaf of papers to Amy. "I want a divorce."


	9. Chapter 9

**One Week Later**

Penny taped up the box she had just filled and reached for another. She brushed her hair from her face and thought about taking a break for lunch. She still had a few days to finish up, and not much left to do. With Chase, Cara and Raj in California, she was feeling a bit lonely. She stood and headed to the kitchen. There was still a sense of surrealism associated with her dad's death. She looked out the window at the field of corn growing about hip high.

Her mom had decided to sell. With just her here now, it was too much for her. Over 100 years this farm had been in the family. Penny's heart sank as she looked at the barn. Memories flashed through her like a slow moving movie. The first time she rode a pony, Papa Davis holding onto her waist. The day her dad taught her how to take apart a carburetor and change the oil in the tractor. The nights that she and her sister had snuck up into the loft and stared at the stars, sharing their dreams of being big time movie stars. The first time her heart was 'broken' and her mom had brought her to the barn and they spent the evening silently brushing down the horses until she felt better. Tears slipped from her eyes as she put a kettle on for tea. She dried out the sink and turned around.

"I hope you have honey. Tea never tastes quite as good without it."

The towel fluttered to the floor as Penny stared at him. She couldn't speak, she couldn't move. All she could do was stare at him. Her emotions were too churned up to begin with. Seeing Sheldon standing there was almost too much for her mind to process.

Sheldon approached her quickly, reaching out to cup her face. Immediately he captured her lips with his own. He smiled against her mouth as her arms wound around his neck. He pressed her back against the counter and groaned as passion burned between them. His hands slipped down to lift her up onto the counter. Penny's legs wrapped around his waist and he ground against her core. Penny released his neck and reached for his shirt hems. He lifted his arms and released her lips long enough for her to pull his shirts off. He immediately pulled her tee over her head and dipped his head to her breasts. Penny arched into him, her hands threading through his hair tightly.

"Bedroom," Sheldon whispered against her skin.

"Upstairs," she gasped. "Second door on the left."

Sheldon wrapped his arms around her waist tightly and spun her off the counter. Penny clung to his shoulder, nuzzling his ear as he walked as fast as he could through the house.

* * *

Penny laid her head on his chest and listened to his racing heartbeat even out slowly. His hand rubbed up and down her back soothingly and he placed a light kiss on her head. "How did you know I was here?" she asked softly.

"Raj," Sheldon said with a slight smile. "He told me you were here to get the house ready for sale."

Penny nodded. "Mom can't bear to be here anymore. She still misses Dad too much. She wants to sell it." Penny raised her head to look at him. "So Raj sent you to check up on me?"

Sheldon scooted up in the bed and placed his back against the head board. "No. I went to him and asked to speak to you. I told him why I wanted to talk to you, and asked if he thought you would mind me coming here."

Penny sat up and turned to face him. "What did you want to talk to me about?" she asked hesitantly.

Sheldon looked at her carefully. "Why did you never tell me I was Chase's father?"

Penny paled and her eyes widened. "Sheldon…"

He reached out and cupped her chin, refusing to allow her to look away from him. "Please answer me. I think I deserve to know the truth."

Penny's eyes grew teary. "Because you wouldn't have been able to commit to Amy. I know you, Sheldon. You would have been torn between both of us. That wouldn't have been fair to you, Amy or the kids. I couldn't force two children to vie for your time and attention."

Sheldon sighed heavily. "Penny, do you really think I would have neglected my son?"

Penny shook her head. "Not neglected, Sheldon. But can you honestly tell me you wouldn't have found it difficult to devote time to them both. That it wouldn't have caused conflict between you and Amy? Besides…" Penny trailed off and pulled away to turn her head. She clamped her mouth shut and grew silent.

Sheldon pulled her up onto his lap, and looked at her firmly. "Besides what?"

"You chose her," Penny whispered. "From the very beginning, you chose Amy. I couldn't interfere in that."

Sheldon closed his eyes and took a moment to calm himself. "I chose Amy because I never had a chance with you," he admitted. "I was scared of you, Penny. Scared of how you make me feel. How much I wanted and needed you. Amy was safer. She didn't make my heart race, or my mind seize up in panic. She didn't challenge me or confuse me, or drive me wild. I was a coward, and I took the coward's path."

Sheldon brushed her cheek with his fingertips lightly. "I'm tired of being a coward, Penny. I'm tired of denying what I want. I love you. I've always loved you. I want you in my life. I have asked Amy for a divorce. She has agreed, because she is in love with Leonard. We have agreed to joint custody of our daughter. I have already told them that I plan to pursue you. They have wished me well."

Penny stared at him in shock. "You …you and Amy are divorcing?"

Sheldon nodded. "Just as you and Raj are. Maybe not _quite_ as amicably as you and Raj, but we are parting on comfortable terms. Will you give me a chance? Give us a chance? Is there room in your life for me, Penny?"

Penny stared at him for a long time, unspeaking. Sheldon was just beginning to have doubts when she leaned forward and kissed him softly. "I've waited for you for a very long time, Sheldon. I was already starting to realize I had fallen in love with you when Leonard and I broke up. That night, on the roof, I had finally admitted to myself that you were The Guy."

Penny caressed his jaw softly. "Sheldon, don't get me wrong. I do not regret really the last few years. Raj and I have a friendship that means so much to me. I love Cara like a sister. I love Chase with all my heart. My life for these last three years has been fairly good. I've grown into a much more happy, confident, and stable person. I know who I am now. Leaving California saved me. But it hasn't been great, either. Because I missed you each and every day. I cried myself to sleep more times than I care to admit. You ask me if there is room in my life for you. Sheldon, my life is only half full. I need you to make it complete."

"Penny, how do we handle the situation with Chase?" He didn't want to push her, but this was _his_ son. He wanted that known. "What do we tell our friends and families?"

Penny licked her lips. "Sheldon, yes, he's your son. But you have to understand, Chase has another dad, too. He loves Raj. He is a very bright boy, but he's very young, and the changes around him are upsetting. Moving from the only home he has ever known, losing his grandfather, leaving his friends behind.. He doesn't understand the things that are happening. I can't take away Raj from him. He needs that stability. And Raj loves Chase. He may not be his biological father, but he _is_ his dad."

Sheldon leaned forward and kissed her tenderly. "I have a compromise," he said calmly. "We introduce me to Chase as his step-father."

Penny's jaw dropped. "Sheldon ….did you just ask me to marry you?"

He nodded. "It's why I came here, Penny. It's why I asked for a divorce. I have Sabrina. Now I need you. I need Chase. I want my whole family. Marry me, Penny. Because I love you. I can't bear to be without you any longer."

Penny smiled softly and kissed him. She pulled back, looked him in the eyes and went in for another kiss. Three or four kisses later she grinned widely. "Yes," she whispered. "Yes, of course I'll marry you."

Sheldon groaned as they kissed some more. Slowly they eased down in the bed, kissing and caressing each other lovingly.

* * *

**One Week Later**

Sheldon felt his heart thump hard in his chest. He watched from a few feet away as Penny spun the little boy in her arms, laughing joyfully. Chase began peppering her cheeks with kisses. He felt Sabrina's hand tighten in his nervously. She was still a bit shy around new people. Penny had done her best to put her at ease when they met this morning.

He glanced at Raj and Cara who were watching Penny and Chase with love. Seeing the hope in their eyes helped him calmly take that first step toward his son. Penny looked over at him and smiled warmly. She put Chase down and took his hand in hers.

"Chase, sweetie, I want you to meet someone very special to me. This is Sheldon Cooper and his daughter Sabrina."

Sheldon knelt down, keeping his hand in his daughter's. He took a second to pray fervently that this went well. He searched Chase's face, seeking any resemblance whatsoever. Chase was the spitting image of Penny, though. His hair, his eyes, his mouth, even his eyelashes, were just like hers. "Hello, Chase. It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

Chase looked at him carefully. Sheldon was surprised by the scrutiny of the three year old. "I know you."

Sheldon looked at him with surprise before looking up at Penny. She looked confused. "Oh?" Sheldon asked. "How do you know me?"

Chase grinned. "Momma has a video on her phone of you. You were funny. You kept trying to blow up a short man's head."

Sheldon grimaced with embarrassment. "That was a very long time ago."

"Did you blow him up?" he asked.

Sheldon shook his head. "No. I failed."

Chase looked at Sabrina, clearly done talking to Sheldon. "Wanna watch Power Rangers with me?"

Sabrina looked at Sheldon briefly before nodding. Chase held out his hand and Sabrina took it. They hurried into the house leaving the adults behind. Sheldon stood and watched them go, his heart torn between joy at finally meeting his son, and disappointment that Chase didn't seem to connect with him.

"Don't," Penny said walking over to slip her arms around his waist. "Don't expect things to change overnight, Sheldon. I know you want him to love you, but he's just a little boy. You have to give him time to get to know you."

Sheldon sighed and hugged her tight. "Is it wrong of me to want him to know who I am?"

"No," she said softly. "It's not wrong, but it's not the time for that either. For now, just let him get used to you."

Sheldon nodded finally. "Okay. But someday..."

Penny nodded. "Someday."

* * *

**One Year Later**

Sabrina sat beside Chase and watched her daddy twirl her step-mommy around the floor. She was loving all the attention she got as flower girl. Mommy waltz by with Uncle Leonard and they were smiling at each other like Daddy and Penny were. She looked at her new brother and frowned. She thought Chase was pretty okay. They had been friends for a year now. But sometimes he was smart-alecky. "What are you doing?"

Chase smiled without looking up. "Writing," he said. "I got a diary," he said absently. "I always write in it."

Sabrina frowned more. "Why not just remember it?"

Chase looked up and grinned at her. "I do. But Momma hasn't got my memory. When she's older she can read the diary and remember all the good things I write about."

Sabrina looked at his journal and snorted as only a four year old could. "That's not even real words. It's all drawings and numbers."

Chase giggled. "To you, maybe. It's our secret language. Momma helped me make it up long, long ago. Before I could even walk real good."

Sabrina looked intrigued. "Can I learn it?"

Chase stared at her for a long moment. Finally he shrugged. "We have the same dad. That means you're my sister, right? S'pose I could teach you. That way if we're ever captured by rebels forces, I can get you secret messages to plan our escape."

Sabrina rolled her eyes. "We wouldn't be captured by rebels. Rebels is the good guys."

"Says you," Chase said serenely.

* * *

Penny looked at the kids sitting shoulder to shoulder, bent over her son's journal. Amy walked over and followed her gaze. "They have adjusted fairly well," she said softly.

Penny looked at the woman who once had called her bestie. "We all have," she reminded her with a gentle smile.

Amy looked at the woman she had admired and hated equally for so long. Now she felt respect and gratitude toward her. "We both did a lot of things the wrong way, and for a long time I tried to lay all the blame on you. I'm sorry for that."

Penny smiled and reached out to take Amy's hand in hers. "Don't be sorry, Ames. Everything we went through, everything we have done and experienced, it made us all stronger. We're better people for it. I am sorry for the pain we all went through, but I am glad that we are all together again. I am grateful to you. I owe you a great debt"

The brunette looked at her with shock. "What do you mean?" she asked hesitantly.

Penny looked over at Sheldon, Leonard, Raj and Howard. "You were the catalyst that forced us all to grow up. Everything that has happened these last four years started with you. I love you for that."

Tears welled up in Amy's eyes. "I thought you hated me," she whispered.

Penny turned and pulled Amy into a fierce hug. "We're besties, Amy. I could never hate you."

* * *

Sheldon watched his wife and ex-wife hug tightly across the room. Leonard smiled beside him, as Cara and Bernadette walked over to Amy and Penny and joined in the hug. Raj held up his champagne flute. "To the women in our lives. We are four damned lucky men."

All four nodded and drank to the toast. It had been a tough journey to get where they were. They hadn't emerged unscathed, but they had come out of it together. And that was all that mattered.


End file.
